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April 30, 2002, 6:53 pm
i just changed my layout a little and somehow i totally f-ed the date and first line. damn you html. things are much better. medicine and doctors are a good thing. tomorrow will be the first time i see mike in over a week. and it seems like its not going to be good. or that he is already looking for another apartment. i hope that its good. this last week, weeks, has been very strange for me and i think they are starting to get much better. so whatever happens tomorrow, things will be better. god bless america.April 27, 2002, 12:59 pm sunday will prove to be the hardest day of my life. i am not a patient person, by any means. and tomorrow i have nothing. no work. no doctor. no mike. no nothing. just sitting around and waiting for the next thing to happen. worrying about the next thing to happen. scrutinizing everything about what has already happened. just thinking about tomorrow makes me anxious. i have told joe that we should do a movie day- hopefully he takes the bait and goes for it. i talked to my dad last night, finally. it seems that i have talked a little to him a lot lately but something always interrupts it. he made me feel a lot better and was really helpful and really wants mike and i to get counciling together and even told me that he likes mike and wishes that he had spent more time with him on our trips to kansas. he is much nicer now than he used to be. he's like the poster child for therapy and anti-depressants. he even mentioned that as americans we should take advantage of what we have available to us. i guess he realized that he wouldn't be getting any help if he was still in iran. i wish he was this nice when i was a kid. too late now i suppose. 4 more days till i talk to mike. i wish it didn't have to be that long- but i guess it has to be, or at least he thinks it has to be. now to plan a neutral place to meet. that'll give me something to do on sunday! also, i woke up late today and threw on clothes and jumped in a cab- in the cab someone had left the book "Mrs. Dalloway." i was just looking for a new book to read. i read this book in high school but i really liked it. even if it is kinda depressing, i think i will read this next. it's nice when things fall into your lap.
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