|
* guestbook * * diaryland * * kimkim * * i make movies * * i am fascinating! * * older entries * |
April 04, 2002, 12:38 pm
everyone has their issues. or neurosis. mine involves going to the bathroom. i have a lot of hang ups in this area and i have no idea where they came from. for instance- i have a hard time going in a public restroom if there is a stranger in the stall next to me. but if it is a friend they can even be talking to me and it won't hinder me in the least. even a bathroom attendant in the room can intimidate the pee into staying inside my body. at mike's old apartment the bathroom was pretty much right in the apartment and the door did not close all the way unless you wanted to trap yourself inside. i had a really hard time going there unless there was tv or music on and i had the water running. and even then it was a chore. once i was there for more than 24 hours straight and held it the whole time and almost killed my bladder. from then on i had trouble holding it almost at all. and i was in so much pain. even after the antibiotics. i have no idea what the problem was. i wasn't embarrassed, i mean, mike knew about the problem and did everything he could to help me out. it's just my neurosis. all throughout childhood and my teenage years i would not go #2 in a public restroom. never once- not even if i was sick. i would go home. actually that only changed when i started working on productions and wouldn't be home for great lengths at a time. and even then it was a struggle in my mind to rationalize doing it. i have no recollection of any child hood trauma involving a public restroom etc.... but i have this problem none the less. neurosis. |