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September 03*2002, 10:12 am
i have a real problem with hearing about abuse. especially sexual abuse and/or rape. i can't watch those sorts of scenes in movies. and they will even upset days later. it bothers me so much, and i just don't understand why someone would find that entertaining. it makes me sick to my stomach and i have actually been sick because of it. i have known lots of people to have things like this happen, and personally i have not had anything terrible happen, but i have been threatened ... and what not. and i freak out about the fact that it could happen. to me or any one of my friends (male and female). even hearing about strangers bothers me. it bothers me that people can do things like that to other people. i was reading a short story book once and it was pretty good- but one story was awful. it was about a guy remembering this girl he "dated" in college, but really he worked with her and gang raped her with like 20 of his friends at a bar one night. and just now at like 45 he realized that what he did was wrong. and for all this time he thought of it as just something guys do. i was so ill. i borrowed this book from mike. he said he liked some of the stories a lot- but some not so much. i wish that he would have warned me. i was in a bad mood for like a week and very on edge. i don't want to read about people getting beaten up or hurt or anything like that. but when it's sexual it makes my stomach hurt. when i was a kid i watched "the accused" on cable and freaked out. not just a little- i'm talking FREAKED out! i had nightmares for a long time and hated men. and the more people i know who have been attacked etc... the more i hate men. mike says that's not fair. but it could happen to him too- less likely, but still possible. you just never know. men are just so gross. you never hear of a group of women holding down a guy while all of their friends have sex with them. you just don't. only a man could be that terrible. and that's just how i feel about that. and recently mike was reading a book that was just glorified abuse- and i freaked out. it was not entertaining or well written. it was something only a man would even enjoy reading. and it really bothered me that mike was the kind of guy who would enjoy something like that. he says he just wants to know how it ends. i could not care less- unless it ends with that guy dying in a horrible drawn out torture scene, acted out by all the women he has treated poorly in his life. and even that i wouldnt want to read. it would just be nice to see some get what they deserve. even writing this is putting me on edge and upsetting me. i don't know how else to describe it. |