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May 28*2002, 7:53 pm
this was an eventful weekend- coupled with tons and tons of sleep. but i seem to have come out of the whole thing covered in bruises. it's pretty gross actually. pretty darn gross. and my body still hurts- but i thought that if i kept up the act of intense physical activity for 3 whole days in a row that i would trick my body into thinking that, that is how everyday is and that i am in great shape. good plan, i know. this weekend also marks the end of my first month on a new birth control pill. in general it is less crazy making than my last one. but as this is the end of the cycle i was in for some hijinx. basically just intense bloating and sweating off and on. which may or may not be in my own head- since mike did not notice at all. but he just may not be very observant. the jury is still out on that one. i got so painfully self conscious that it was like i was 14 all over again. i hated everything about the way i looked in all my clothes and was always tugging at what i was wearing and just generally uncomfortable. i still can't tell if i actually am fatter or if i'm just fatter in my mind. but today i went into an old navy (to use their public restroom) and the fact that they carry up to a size 20 now made me feel super skinny. i'm a 12 (i even have a skirt, from old navy no less, that is a 10!) almost half of their biggest size. i am a dainty flower. thank friggin god. i also bought a mini skirt today so i can't feel that bad about myself i guess. or i just hate myself that much....
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